My Red Hot Wedding
by BlackLadyCharon
Summary: A rather humorous wedding day... AxelXRoxas


MY RED HOT WEDDING

Author: Blackladycharon

Disclaimer: I don't own Square Enix or The Kingdom Hearts series, so please don't sue me, I'm making no money off of this.

Author's Notes: Another challenge response on Magna Opera. Just an… evil idea. Blame my mother, something she said helped spawn this idea.

My Red Hot Wedding

The dress certainly wasn't a conventional bride's dress. It had been unanimously declared that since neither the groom nor the 'bride' were virgins anymore (proof having been graphically seen by Xemnas, who'd ordered this whole fiasco just so that he didn't have to deal with the idea that two of his Organization were living in sin.) that the dress could not be white. Considering the preferred methods of destruction by the future married couple, white was a bad choice anyway. It would show ashes, char marks, or Heartless blood all too easily. So, between Namine and Zexion, the two had found a wedding dress they honestly believed would survive the wedding. At the moment, the 'bride' was still staring in the mirror in horror, wondering how he'd gotten talked into this mess.

The dress was nice, a case of simple as opposed to miles of frills. Tight bodice, since there wasn't any worry about flattening the chest, long, loose skirts that gave him surprising ease of movement, though he wouldn't want to go into a battle in them, no sleeves since it was tied behind the neck with a strap, leaving his arms and back bare to the world. Wrist length gloves were included with it, and everything was in a soft, pale green that actually looked good on him. He was still wearing his black boots, since nothing in The World That Never Was could persuade him to match the boots to the outfit, or to wear high heels. Not even a direct order from Xemnas was going to get that to happen. Though heaven knows Xemnas had tried. He sighed, closing his eyes and leaned against the mirror, resting his forehead on his bare arm.

"How did I let that little keyblade talk ME into wearing the dress?"

"Axel! Opening the fu--- frigging door!" Axel winced as Larxene's voice cracked across his eardrums like her beloved lightening. As the only female in the Organization, Larxene had been designated his maid of honor, with poor Demyx being hauled in for a bridesmaid. Larxene had been alternating between laughing her ass off at his misfortune, and being enraged that she was expected to help him get ready. Axel went over and unbarred and opened the door, surprised when Larxene zipped in, turned, spun kicked a small blonde and black blur back out the door and slammed it closed, barring it again. There was a thud as the body slammed against the door, and then Larxene began screaming.

"ROXAS!!! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU IT'S BAD LUCK TO SEE THE BRIDE BEFORE THE WEDDING!!! WHY DO YOU THINK XEMNAS HAD US BAR THE DOOR INSTEAD OF LOCKING IT!!! WHY DO YOU THINK VEXEN PUT THAT WRISTLET ON YOU TO KEEP YOU FROM PORTALING IN HERE!?!?" Axel blinked in surprise, shocked that they were following Somebody traditions. You'd think it wouldn't matter as Nobody's. Not that he was going to tell the Savage Nymph that. Knowing Larxene, she'd kill him just to get out of having to wear the sundress style white bridesmaid's dress. While the dress worked for Namine, it just didn't for Larxene. Namine, however, would be wearing a white tuxedo as she was taking the place of 'Best Man'. After a few more yells, and a few kicks at the door, Larxene turned to him, throwing a small bag at his feet.

"Here. Put those on or I'll electrocute you. Tradition and all that rot." Axel opened the bag with great care, blinking at what tumbled out. A set of silver earrings he was positive belonged to Luxord, a worn green hair ribbon, a white gold necklace, and a blue rose corsage. He looked at Larxene questioningly, and she rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"Tradition! Something Old," She pointed at the ribbon. "Something New," The white gold necklace. "Something Borrowed." The earrings. "Something Blue." The rose corsage. "It's good luck for the bride. And don't ask why Xemnas wants it done this way. I think the whole idea's nuts, but he seems to be taking no chances." She sighed as Axel began putting the items on. "How the He--- Hades did I get talked into helping with this…"

The wedding went by in a blur. Axel managing to remember his cues and speak the right phrases. The rest of the Organization was on their best behavior. no doubt Xemnas had been told they'd be turned into Dusks if they messed the wedding up. Or that Axel'd come after them. Privately, Axel didn't believe that Xemnas had the power to turn them into Dusks. After all, they'd arrived in human form. It hadn't been gifted to them, so why should Xemnas be able to take it away? Still, best not to take any chances and just do what they were told.

Besides, Axel wasn't a Dusk, and was quite capable of sending them back to the Nothingness that they'd crawled out of. A large amount of the lesser Nobody's had been invited too, to give it the illusion that it was a real wedding with lots of people. Though the Berserker's had been thrown out after one of them had gotten a wild hair and tried to hammer bounce on Xemnas. Now the 'I do's' and the sloppy, passionate kiss had been exchanged, and it was time to throw the bouquet and the garter.

Given the fact that there were only two females in the Organization, and Namine didn't quite count, Xemnas had just ordered that both objects be thrown into the crowd in general. Axel and Roxas, via the medium of Larxene, had decided on a bit of payback. So with unerring accuracy, helped along by Xaldin's ability to control wind, the bouquet smacked Saix square in the face just as the garter landed in Xemnas's lap. The two looked at the objects, at each other, sputtered and tried to pretend the whole thing hadn't happened. That done, and the whole Organization still laughing about the expressions on the Luna Diviner and The Superior's faces, tromped into the area designated as the reception room. Some of the Dancer's, Assassins, and Samurais had followed to provide dancing partners and servers, but otherwise it was just the 'human' members of the group.

Axel was surprised when Xigbar came over with a large, amused grin and a bag of munny clinking in his hands. He also had a safety pin. Laughing at both Axel and Roxas's wary, confused looks, he pinned the bag to the bodice of Axel's wedding dress.

"Radiant Garden tradition. Gotta pin munny on the bride's dress for a dance with her. Or him in this case." With that explanation, and a band of Dusks doing their best to provide dancing music by means of a C.D. Player and C.D.'s, Xigbar swept Axel out onto the floor. Xigbar, with gravity as his element, proved light on his feet, twirling Axel along and laughing at his slightly pissed expression. After the dance, to Axel's surprise Xaldin followed suite, congratulating him on his wedding during the slightly awkward dance. One of the Dancer's skated over and did so after that, then Roxas managed to claim him for a dance. After that, Xemnas imperiously swept over, pinned the bag on, and swept Axel onto the floor for a swift, brutal, 'father' and 'son-in-law' talk.

"If you hurt Roxas in any way…"

"You'll turn me into a Dusk. I got it memorized."

"Worse, I'll give you to Larxene as a toy."

Axel gulped. "I got that memorized."

About then, with astounding rudeness, Luxord cut in. Axel wrinkled his nose at the Gambler's breath, wondering how much Luxord had been drinking before the wedding, and what Xigbar'd slipped into the punch. He was also busy fending Luxord's hands off of his anatomy. Luxord grinned up at him, obviously too inebriated to care that the Flurry of Dancing Flames was starting to create fire flickers around him. Demyx had noticed, and drawn his Sitar under the pretext of providing a little live music. This was gonna be bad. Though given Xemnas's expression, Luxord ought to be grateful that he was leaving it to Axel to deal with rather then ending the Gambler of Fate's existing streak.

"Wassa matta, Axie? The kid's goo' enou', but I'm not?" Luxord made a final grab for Axel's ass, and Number VII lost it.

"GET OFF, YOU FRICKING JERK!" Luxord's robes went up in a fwoosh of fire, to be doused seconds later by a water clone as Oblivion's blunt end bounced off the back of Luxord's head, sending him to dreamland. Axel twitched, looking around as some Samurais dragged Luxord out of the reception area to drop him in his room, then Marluxia cautiously approached to take his turn with pinning munny to the dress and dancing.

Around daybreak the reception finally wound down, and an exhausted Axel and Roxas staggered back to their room, which Roxas's stuff had been moved into considering Axel had the bigger room. Somebody's Nobody's had removed the old, one person bed and replaced it with a King sized one. It was obvious that the Superior wanted number XIII comfortable, even if it was with the most oppositional and defiant member of the Organization.

He heard Xigbar and Xaldin stumbling past the door, both their voices raised in a cheerful obscene ditty about the many joys of sex with another male. Much to Axel's surprise, Xaldin could actually carry a tune. He and Roxas collapsed on the new bed, too tired to remove their clothing, even though the munny bags on the wedding dress were uncomfortable. Axel ran a hand through Roxas's hair, then again through his own, loosening the silly green ribbon that had kept his fiery hair under nominal control.

"Axel?" Roxas looked up with him with his usual serious expression, but there was a spark of mischief in his summer twilight blue eyes.

"Hmm?"

"Since you're wearing the dress, does that mean I get to be seme tonight?"

Fin

Just a twisted, warped little piece. I love Axel, but it's always fun to torture him.


End file.
